Fashion Faux Pax

Oh my, its time to change my wardrobe. Whatever should I wear? What store should I shop in to put on my oh so fashionable outfit? Down to the Automobile Mall to go shopping. I have my cart, I have my comfy shoes on, ready to go shopping. Ladies have their shoes, men have their cars.

 What stores should I hit? What do I feel like trying on today? Should it be…..

 Chrysler

Well, let’s see. The Dart is out of fashion, the 200 is out of fashion, both are not being made anymore, yup, they are like wearing bell bottoms….since that is the last time driving a Dodge was cool for anyone other than Al Bundy. Unless you like the apparel of a shoe salesman, avoid this store.

 GM

Well, let’s see. Not only does the Suburban have an arctic level of reliability, but the infamous Escalade is the LEAST reliable vehicle in America. So that makes it Antarctic for a score. Hmmm….I thought Global Warming made it balmy down there. Not shopping in this store.

 Honda

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….(snort) darn narcolepsy, sorry about that. Acura with abysmal reliability ratings, and Honda not even getting the Soccer Moms all tingly anymore, yep, buying Honda is like wearing fashion from the 90’s. Men…..well, if you are “Single Forever and Proud” because you just got divorced and hate that horrible stinking life sucking you-know-who……well, you know what you think of her……. and you think drinking Miller Lite or a wine spritzer is a manly thing to do, here is your car. For me, time to walk past this store.

 Ford Focus and Fiesta

To people who were old enough to be able to see Nirvana live in concert, you know the word Fiesta to mean either a great party or a dismal toaster oven with two gerbils powering a wheel under the hood. The Focus wasn’t even born yet, just like you. So, when the Fiesta became cool for a while, it was nice. When the Focus was born, it was Ford’s little reliable beast. So many people bought and suped up this venerable pocket rocket, it was everywhere. I had a 2001 ZX3 for my commuter car, I modified it with a few fun upgrades and I enjoyed the heck out of that car. Now…..oh how the mighty have fallen. Reliability has been consistenly low on these two models. So disappointing. Not shopping in this store.

 Jeep

Well, since we are talking ladies shoes, let’s think about this. You ladies love your high heel shoes. Let’s see…. They are awkward to walk in, bad for your posture, bad for your feet, highly uncomfortable, you literally have to balance all the time in them, they cost a fortune, and they break all the time. Well by golly that is a Jeep as well. It is very true that women will buy these horrible shoes and love them for purely emotional reasons. Men will buy Jeeps for the same reason. Show a man a jacked up Jeep Wrangler with no doors and big knobby tires, and we all drool. However, limit that to the Wrangler. It is a historical favorite, and will always be that. The Grand Cherokee takes a second place in the Ladies Shoe Comparison as well. As for the Cherokee, Liberty, Compass, Patriot, etc etc etc…… if you buy one of these, do NOT drive it to the local bar unless you are attempting to join Fight Club. You will not make it out without a sound beating. So….walking on past this store.

 Infiniti

Hmmmm….. it is considered a premium auto maker, it is Japanese and has the luxury of sorts, and it has decent horsepower. Why by golly this kinda fits me right. Maybe I should get this…..oh, wait, it is made of rayon and already has faded. Ok, not for me.

 Well this turned out to be a bad shopping run to the mall. I didn’t buy a thing, how depressing.

 Now, by the way, if you noticed that my review is just a weee bit influenced by the recent JD Power and Associates Reliability report, I therein disclaim that they did not financially endorse me for this article…..although if they wish, I am willing to be bribed….a little.

 So, I guess this trip to the mall didn’t pan out. My credit cards thank me for not going on a shopping spree today.